| Movies were awesome last night. Went to see Spiderman 2. Could have been better, but I'm a big fan of Dashboard Confessional, and stayed til the end credits to hear the whole song.Afterwards, we went to M's place because he was having a bon fire. I am becomming very thankful of all of these people(everyone there were members of the support group, they have become very close friends within the last couple of years or months.)I mean, it's awesome that we are eachother's support group, but it's awesome that these people, have become close enough, that they even hang out together, and talk about other things, and enjoy eachother's company.(I mean out of 12 ppl in the group, 3 didn't show up, because they weren't feeling well) It's like they have become a type of family. They explained it to me as, they lost alot of friends when they found out about their status, and found the best of friends in people who knew what they were going through, and who were there, and in their shoes almost. And I am so thankful to have these people, who I actually do get along with, an even if I wasn't positive, I would have loved ot meet these people, because they are some of the nicest most amazing people I have met, in my whole entire life. (None of them compare to L, but I think that's just cuz I like her ;) ) Over all, I give my night a rating of A++ (if I had to grade it that is ;) )
On another note:
Dear body of mine,
Please, please stop playing games with yourself.
For the past week, all you need is sleep.
Last night, you got 3 hours of sleep. Why are you full of energy?
Be normal again. And have healthy sleep patterns.
love, the person who lives inside of you | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | Subject: | Rant. | | Time: | 11:03 pm |
|
| Ames, I feel the same way as you do.
*Oh, not to sound like a dick but...* A big FUCK YOU.
Talk to me when you are where I am. Talk to me, when you know what you're talking about.
Check yerself before posting stuff.
I honnestly have been considering leaving soon myself.
I am seriously very, very uncomfortable, when this space should be a safe space. with *some* people there, I feel as though I am not safe. | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Uh. I cant post in other peopls journals (as in comments) says I haven't validated my account yet.. I got the e-mail and clicked the link, what now??? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Ugh, I was suposed to go out of town for a couple days. Stupid weather, I was afraid to drive.
I see Keenan again tomorrow, he's going for professional pics, because he will be one in june. Wow. One already..... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | the news... | | Subject: | My full story... | | Time: | 10:58 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/threnody/mice/m-thoughtful.gif) thoughtful |
|
| I feel like writing about my story. About what happend to me. It is time for women everywhere to speak out. Speak the truth about Rape. To NOT be ashamed. Rape is never a woman's fault. Fuck that. It is the fault of some psycho pervert who doesn't deserve anything good in their so called lives.
Here goes my story.
I had to walk home from work. It was nearing the end of September, it was damp and cold. My (ex) gf's car was in the shop. It was broken.
I knew the road well, I knew all the back alleys, and I wish I would have taken them home that night. When I think of that night now, I regret not taking the back alleys. And they say the back alleys aren't safe. I say fuck that. I now always take alleys at night, unless I am in a car that is.
I heard steps following me, I looked back. No one there. I keep walking. I hear steps again. Fading, but they are there. I walk faster. They get louder. Louder. Louder. I try to run, when I realize someone is holding me. Pulling me. Into an abandonned building. The next thing I know, I am on the ground, evry ounce of his manhood entering me. I am crying, trying to yell, but I feel like I have no voice. I keep crying, he has a knife. I think to myself "This is the end for me. I am going to die. I can't die like this. Not tonight, I have so many things in my life. I wanna be something." He rapes me, slashes my face, cuts my arms, and neck, and legs. I am bleeding. I become weak with the loss of blood.(Just thinking of it now, I become weak)He rapes me again. No condom. (Why would he care if he gives me an STD?)
He robs me (dumbass, my cell phone is in my coat, not my purse.) He took my wallet out of my purse, and I had money in it. I had 200$(waitress, great tips those two days before)He takes it and leaves me there. I honnestly thought I was going to die. I had just enough strength in me to reach for my cell, and call my (ex) girlfriend. I told here where I thought I was (The building seemed familiar), and dragged myself to the entrance (almost) of the building. She heard me cry.
She held me for a minute, an dcalled an ambulance. I was wearing a skirt(Had to , uniform) so my clothes were intact, just bloody from my cuts and wounds.We went to emerge, and I got stitches. I never said I was raped. I said "he just took me and beat me".In total, I had close to 250 stitches all over my body. 30 in my face. I never got an after rape exam, or E.C. I was in denial about it, until my period did not show up.
I took an HPT, and said "i wish I would have gotten the morning after pill" I honnestly, wanted to die right then and there. I COULD have gotten an abortion, but, I did not see a doctor until I was 13 weeks, and I did not accept the fact that I was pregnant until I was 20weeks,therefore, nowhere around me would perform an abortion. I thought of doing crazy amounts of cocaine, which I decided against. I thought of cutting my stomache and taking the foetus out, hoping I would die too.I though of ending my life, then I found an awesome website, which helped me a great deal. it was a tori amos inspired website, welcometobarbados. It was for rape survivors, and it was a god send.
I kept the pregnancy, and had a son, on June 11th, 2003.
There is more, but I am having a hard time writing right now. My writing sounds emotionless, but trust me, it is anything but..... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I'm doing alright for now, I saw Keenan tonight for an hour, he is getting so big. i remember being pregnant with him. I love the idea of being able to see him whenever I want, and now it's different. I WILL sit and play with him, I will take him out for a walk or to play outside. I will sit and read him a little story(well look at the pages with him, while he tries to rip them out), and I will give him a kiss good night. It'S like now I want to do all those things, because I am "not" his mother. because he isn't in my care, and I think that is way fucking weird. Argh. But, I still felt good when I left there tonight.
All the papers get signed next month. I am nervouse, and excited, all at the same time | | comments: Leave a comment |
|
Uh I spelled yellow wrong. This one makes the most sense. I do have beautiful teeth. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | | Category | Your Score | Average | | Self-Lovin' | 55%
Explored the pleasures of the flesh | 65.1% | | Shamelessness | 73.8%
It takes a couple of drinks | 79.4% | | Sex Drive | 78.9%
The Pope is envious | 77.8% | | Straightness | 10.7%
Knows the other body type like a map | 44.9% | | Gayness | 7.1%
Makes Dr. Frank-n-Furter look tame | 83.7% |
| Fucking Sick | 71.7%
Dipped into depravity | 90% |
You are 48.85% pure
Average Score: 72.7%
| |
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
averylynn's journal![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/threnody/mice/m-angry.gif){kind=small}
enraged